#187. Airline Employees and You
Hi everyone,
Maris (and Maggie the Pug) and I have been upstate for a few days, and it's been both a joy and a relief. Little Maggs especially seems more relaxed outside the city. On our long walk around a nature trail on Saturday morning, she treated every single dog with patience and grace, and did not spontaneously decide to lunge at every single one of them like she does back home in Brooklyn. She is also very good in the car, which always makes me and Maris think about Bizzy, our late first dog together, who could not go anywhere like a little Emily Dogginson, but whom we still loved very much.
My week has been traveling substantial distances and then sitting very still, meaning Catskills vacation as well as some loooooong flight delays. I'll spare you the heft of my gripes, but between my return from Tennessee last weekend, and my trip back from a fundraiser gig in Burlington, VT (thanks for having me to the Turning Point Center–NO RELATION–for addiction recovery), I spent so long waiting for my flights to take off that I read essentially all of Percival Everett's novel Dr. No. It's really funny and has such poignant and uncomfortable things to say about life in America. A couple of years ago I read Everett's The Trees and it kicked me in the head, and Dr. No's tonal and genre differences made me feel like I should go on a tear with his work. Maybe I'll read James next! (I also ripped through Kirsten King's debut novel A Good Person, which is SO funny and EXTREMELY stressful.) Books! They're good! Will I remember this lesson I re-learn every time I read a book instead of my phone screen? Only time will tell!
In Vermont, I'd had to wake up at 5:05am to get to the airport, and when we got on the plane at 6, we were told there was a visible dent on an engine, which sounds bad and apparently WAS bad, because by 7:30 they were like oh shit we can't put this sucker in the sky, and the flight was delayed for a total of seven hours. Fortunately, the hotel I stayed in was only a mile away from the airport, and I'd left so early there was no one at the front desk to check me out. I walked (?!?!) back to the hotel because I stubbornly refused to take an $8 Vermont rideshare or cab, returned to the room I thought I'd left for good, and took a nap. At 11am (check-out time) I departed a second time, checked out for real, and walked back to the airport. As I walked, I listened to the Lemonheads's version of "Frank Mills" over and over to learn it so I could sing it in celebration of John Hodgman's birthday (per Jean Grae's orchestration). We performed it that night at Union Hall and it made Hodgman emotional, which was Jean's secret goal. I guess I'm glad I had the opportunity to get the melody down. Have you ever had something go so wrong it came full circle and became convenient on the way back around? I have!
The night before, for the first time in nine years and one week of marriage, I accidentally left my wedding ring by the sink in the hotel when I left to do a show. I kept touching the little divot on my finger where the ring should have been. Even though I'm not generally a fearful person, I worried about getting hit by a car in Burlington because it would have looked like I died trying to cheat on my wife. (Getting hit by a car is normally SO far from my mind, which you'd know if you ever saw the way I texted while jaywalking.) I didn't die, and I did get to have a Spindrift on my longtime internet pal Hannah Riley's porch with her and her husband, so honestly the whole trip was a pretty clear success. Told some jokes. Saw some friends. Read a book. What more can you want aside from an on-time departure?
This week I've got a bunch of spots around New York, including another John/Jean/Josh show at Union Hall on Tuesday (6/9)! Alison Leiby will be playing the role of Jean Grae! Ruby Laks will be returning as the musical guest, plus we'll maybe have a comedy guest too!
And on Sunday at the Bell House I'm performing as part of a fundraiser for my friend Christian Banda's short film series! The lineup includes me and Jay Jurden and Sydnee Washington and Niles Abston and special guest headliner Ronny Chieng!!! It's going to be a great time!
If you're looking to hear me out loud: I was on the most recent episodes of The Gargle and International Waters. Plus, Wils Pelton and I chatted with Bob the Drag Queen on The Nightly.
Next weekend, I'll be on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me with newly-full-time announcer/scorekeeper Alzo Slade! So keep your ears open for that, if that's your thing!
PEP TALK FOR AIRLINE EMPLOYEES
I can only imagine how thankless it feels to be on the front lines of an industry that offers bad news basically any time the wind blows. It's like being a door to door dog piss salesperson. You're just collecting a check, and you didn't create the unpleasant situation, but very little you say is anything your customers want to hear, until you tell them they're free to go.
The grace you show in the face of the angriest possible opposition borders on saintly. Every time it rains out, your job goes from maintaining orderly lines to communicating with hundreds of furious strangers being held hostage by a god they've just that moment stopped believing in. Even when you're authorized to help them out, it's unclear who will accept a $12 meal voucher with gratitude and who will erupt with rage like a geyser in a polo shirt because, in fairness, $12 at an airport gets you a ketchup packet full of Dasani or four Peanut M&Ms.
In all of my years of flight delays, I have never seen a boarding gate descend into a full melee. That's not to say it never happens. Just, the frequency with which that intuitive eventuality does NOT occur is enough to suggest that law enforcement agents should be taught the same deescalation tactics that the people at the airport learn. You are constantly under the pressure of a basketball player shooting free throws in a tie game in a hostile arena, and the amount of times you beat a stranger's ass is, statistically, negligible. I admire your restraint, as someone who appreciates nonviolent resistance and might find himself on the business end of one of these ass-beatings. Thank you for doing the stressful and annoying (to you and to us) job you've taken on for reasons so far beyond my comprehension they've escaped earth's orbit. Someone's gotta do it, and I'm glad it's not me.
PEP TALK FOR A READER
I've gotten a couple of work-related pep talk requests recently, and I'm going to handle them together!
I have a big job interview on Wednesday. Been angling for it for a while now. Not sure I have the strongest résumé, so I could use a pep talk as I attempt to swing big.
- Occupation Unknown
Got laid off from my bio-tech job two months ago. Have sent out ~75 résumés/applications, with not even one positive response. Not a great time to be looking for a new gig…especially as someone who’s over the age of 60.
- Apply, Apply Again
I've paired these two requests not just because they both feature the same explicit issue–stress over getting a new job–but because of the deeper problem implied these requests. No, not capitalism. I mean, yes, capitalism. But that's not what I'm here to talk about today. A lot of casual analysis of the strains of modern life in the U.S. boils down to BECAUSE OF CAPITALISM, DUMMY. That analysis is not wrong, but also sometimes you've got to treat the symptom rather than the disease when a flareup occurs. While it's not wrong to point out the root causes of the difficulties someone is having, the answer in the short term is not always fomenting a class revolt. Sometimes a person needs $500 this week, and that's good enough for them for now.
What I want to write about is the feeling of being wrong. Not incorrect. (On Saturday night my wife knew the way to the scenic overlook we were searching for, and I doubted her, and I was incorrect. I am putting that in writing as an act of contrition.) But like, wrong in your being. Too this or too that to get the job you want or live the life you want or even just feel happy in your own brain and body. A puzzle piece with a nub that stops you from connecting, or with an extra nub that gets in the way. You know...a feeling that your nub game is off, metaphorically. (Apparently those parts are actually called tabs or knobs, but "knob game" sounds like British lad slang, and "tab game" sounds like something you play indoors at summer camp when it's raining outside.)
While I personally resist self-improvement at every turn, it never hurts and often helps to strive to be kinder or more thoughtful or even stronger or more variously skilled. There are lots of ways to become the best and truest version of yourself. That process could mean anything from learning how to build a cabinet to visiting a physical therapist to interrupting less. This doesn't have to be about optimizing (gross!), just prioritizing the traits you want to cultivate.
Being the wrong fit for what an employer is looking for (or increasingly what their AI screening software is looking for) doesn't mean you are a wrong person. It could mean that your skill set isn't what one person was looking for. It could mean they found someone else with the exact qualities they set out looking for to start with. It could mean that the person doing the hiring is a dumbass. That last reason is a personal favorite of mine to infer even when it's clearly not true.
All you can be is yourself, and you've got to trust that you'll fit in somewhere, professionally. People talk a lot about failing up, but I think succeeding down also exists. It's a real phenomenon that you can make yourself too proficient and knowledgeable for an employer looking to exploit the naïveté of a less seasoned professional. But your your experience will be valuable to someone. On the other hand, if your bona fides aren't where they could be (and will eventually be) maybe it's not the worst thing in the world to miss out on a job where you'll be in over your head. Or they'll see your promise and passion and want you in the building despite the slightly askew nubfit.
A lot of anguish comes from wanting people to accept us for who we aren't rather than appreciating what we do bring to the table. That Lady Gaga quote about only needing 1 of 100 people in a room to believe in you is a little silly. She was already Lady Gaga, after all. But hopefully both of these folks who are struggling will find their own version of Oscar-wanting director Bradley Cooper soon. Or maybe they'll write their version of "Poker Face." Either way, they're not an incorrect person even when they're feeling misaligned and misunderstood.
PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK: Vince Staples - "Cotton"
I think of Vince Staples as a real BARS rapper, in terms of rhyming over excellent beats built to showcase his incisive lyricism. But his new album Cry Baby has a much more adventurous sonic palette. That is not ALWAYS a compliment! I grew up in the 90s! I love real rappy rapping! When Tyler, The Creator dropped his dancier album last year, I missed the more straightforward production of Chromakopia. André 3000 owes me nothing, but there is only so much experimental flute music I need in my life.
"Cotton" contains an undercurrent of pain, but it has an overcurrent (???) of groove that goes beyond an artist flexing his musical range. The video depicts Black people in moments of joy and also points of pain and oppression, but the tune never wavers. It's musically sardonic. Vince Staples's greatest gift may be his piercing sarcasm. But "Cotton" isn't a bit. It's heavy like bass and heavy like the past. (Honestly, it reminds me a little of Percival Everett's writing!!!)
UPCOMING SHOWS
I'm mostly bopping around NYC this spring and summer doing spots, but I'm ramping up my road schedule for the fall! Where should I go?
6/9: John Hodgman, Alison Leiby, and Josh Gondelman at Union Hall (Brooklyn); World's Best Dads at Caveat (NYC)
6/11: Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! Live Recording (Chicago)
6/13: Rodney's Comedy Club (Manhattan); Bushwick Comedy Club (Brooklyn)
6/14: Decalogue Short Film Fundraiser at Bell House (Brooklyn), Beauty Bar (NYC)
6/15: Frankenstein's Baby at Union Hall (Brooklyn)
6/16: Paulie Gee's Slice Shop (Brooklyn)
6/21: Father's Day Daytime Show at Harpoon Brewery (Boston)
6/22: PowerPoint Comedy Show at Caveat (Manhattan)
6/26: Greenpoint Comedy Club (Brooklyn)
7/7: Alison Leiby's Book Launch at the Bell House (Brooklyn)
7/16: Programme 4 at LPR (Manhattan)
7/19: Debate Show at Greenpoint Comedy Club (Brooklyn)
7/23: Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me! Live Recording (Chicago)
9/19: The Comedy Studio (Cambridge, MA)
10/21: Dallas, TX (DETAILS COMING SOON)
10/22: Houston, TX (DETAILS COMING SOON)