By Josh Gondelman — 18 Aug 2025

#145. Iced Tea Drinkers and You

Price spike, maybe. (Read this to the tune of "Ice, Ice Baby.")

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Hi everyone,

As far as I can tell, I've reached the end of a couple of unexpectedly busy weeks where some personal obligations (which I was happy to attend to!) and a little short term gig (for which I was very grateful!) swallowed up a lot of my time in a way that I'm not used to as someone who has largely done freelance work for the past few years. When anyone asked me how my week has been, I've been emphasizing how hectic I have felt from Doing Stuff All Day and having to Be In Specific Places. But also, I did have lots of cool experiences even outside of the Big Stuff. My regularly scheduled work commitments have been moving along smoothly and...funly? So in part to recontextualize the past fortnight for myself, I'm going to focus on the fun stuff.

Maris and I enjoyed a bunch of cool cultural experiences in various formats, which has given me many new ideas to roll around in my big empty head like marbles. On Tuesday night we saw our friend Josh Sharp's solo show ta-da! which was one of the most impressive performances I've seen in a long time. Josh introduces so many compelling themes and narratives over the show's eighty-minute runtime, but the most dazzling element of the whole thing is the way he engages with the 2,000-slide PowerPoint-style presentation that accompanies the entire thing. He's so precise with the tech, while remaining so present and expressive as a performer. As someone accustomed to talking for a long time onstage with no other production elements involved, I was really blown away by the overall pacing and symbiosis of artist and technology.

The playbill for Josh Sharp's ta-da! at the greenwich house theater. — Joshes supporting Joshes.

On Thursday night we watched The Phoenician Scheme, Wes Anderson's new movie, which we both liked but did not love. Maris and I are both big Asteroid City fans, and this movie felt a little less focused and more far-ranging in the vein of (but not to the extent of) The French Dispatch. I will say, it's possible that my most millennial trait is unceasing apologia for Wes Anderson's whole aesthetic deal. His run from Rushmore to The Life Aquatic did a lot of work molding my teenage brain into its current adult form. And I love that in an entertainment landscape populated with zero-budget slop and zillion-dollar CGI action orgies, Wes Anderson reliably makes movies that look distinctive and human despite the slightly uncanny acting style he requires of his performers. (The amount of blood in The Phoenician Scheme feels almost like an in-joke about the way his critics see his movies as lifeless.) It's on Peacock, and it's worth your 100 minutes if you're looking for something engaging but not revolutionary.

On Saturday, my sister was in town, and the three of us saw John Proctor is the Villain on Broadway (thanks, sister!). The show contained several legitimately astonishing performances and a lot of really beautiful and hilarious and keenly-observed details about the friendships between teenage girls. I'd read a little bit about the response to the show, which is that lots of women have found it extremely cathartic, and I think that (partially for gender-related reasons) I wasn't really eligible to fully connect with that viewing experience. I thought the blend of humor and pathos was extremely engaging, and the plotting was propulsive. Plus the ending (which I won't spoil) was basically perfect!

That night, the three of us saw The Naked Gun (2025) in a packed theater, and that experience was a pure joy. Holy shit what a stupid movie, in an extraordinary way. The jokes are so thick on the ground, and even when one doesn't hit, there's no sense of disappointment, just an excitement for the next one to arrive. The pacing and variety of the bits makes The Naked Gun a terrible candidate for second-screen viewing, which I respect. There's a two-minute sequence for which Pamela Anderson legitimately deserved a standing ovation. I don't mean to tap into any kind of (lol) discourse (lol) about the state of entertainment (Is The Bear a comedy? Are Marvel movies cinema?), but I will say that I really, really feel the dearth of movies that exist primarily to be as funny as possible as a goal unto itself. I miss the abundance and generosity of this type of comedy when done well, and I'm glad that for a night, I was offered an hour and a half of beautiful dumbassery.

Two more things before we get on with it! I know many people here are not Substack readers, but I have really been loving Dirty Nails, my friend Bex's free newsletter about gardening that she writes over there!

A picture of me and the Philly skyline (along with a microphone) that says: "Philadelphia Comedy Festival Presents: Josh Gondelman." — See you this weekend, Philadelphia!

Also I'm headlining two shows in Philadelphia THIS SATURDAY NIGHT if you're around and would like to hear many new jokes! And I'm co-hosting Frankenstein's Baby at Union Hall in Brooklyn...TONIGHT!

PEP TALK FOR ICED TEA DRINKERS

Twelve various cans of Arizona Iced Tea. — A steeper's dozen, they call this. (Tea drinkers acknowledge twelve as a classic dozen.)

Well, it looks like it's finally about to happen. Economic fluctuations may hit Arizona's second-biggest export. (The state's most widespread export is of course the phrase: "But it's a dry heat.") As of last week, it appears that the Trump administration's on-again, off-again love affair with tariffs could be coming for Arizona's robust iced tea business.

[Newsletterer's note: Okay, fine. I looked it up, and AriZona Iced Tea is based in Woodbury, NY. Wikipedia also says the company was founded in 1992 to compete with Snapple, to which I say, good. Those misinformation peddlers over at Snapple have had it too good for too long. When did we decide to trust a specious "fact" just because it's delivered on the cap from a bottle of almost-juice? Much has been made about the proliferation of "alternative facts" in the media, but nobody's talking about what bottle caps that are full of crap are doing to our information environment, and I'm sick of it!]

Perhaps, then, AriZona (with a capital "Z" in the middle of the word as part of its official spelling, like it's a nü-metal band from 2002) is more of a state of mind than it is a physical location. And that state of mind is: "I'd like to live in Florida, but I also want my libraries to have books in them still." Another thought they're having over at the iced tea factory is that tariffs on aluminum may cause an uptick in the price of their 99-cent tallboy cans. Despite the advances in technology over the past three decades, there's not yet a way to magically transport iced tea into someone's mouth. Nor will a 7-11 employee just blast you in the face with a Super Soaker full of the stuff, even if you offer to tip (I assume). Cans remain undefeated as a beverage transmission technology. And as Fat Joe often says, yesterday's [aluminum] price is not today's [aluminum] price.

Now, look. I am not inclined to trust a CEO when they cite their rationale for a price increase. During the second half of the Biden administration, businesses noticed a rise in inflation and seemed to use that as an excuse to raise their prices by whatever percentages they wanted, which was cool of them, to be so imaginative. In this case, though, the folks at AriZona do seem like they're trying to keep costs down. With the prices dropping on petroleum-based products, the company announced that the price of their plastic bottles will be dropping. So, score one point for consumers, and take one point away from the environment, which it should be noted is where consumers live. So, kind of a wash overall.

Whether it's because of arbitrary and massive tariffs going into effect, or good old-fashioned corporate profiteering, the classic cans of iced tea may be more expensive soon. I am personally inclined to side with the iced tea people here. Specifically because the other party involved is also currently invading America's capital despite living in America's capital. They don't exactly seem like they have the people's best interests at heart.

Also, I'd like to reiterate, this is not a pep talk for the people at AriZona Iced Tea. This is a pep talk for iced tea drinkers who have enjoyed an affordable and widely available product consistently for thirty-plus years. In a world where working people are squeezed like so many lemon wedges by capitalism's unquenchable thirst for growth at any cost, your experience has been remarkably steady. That period may be coming to an end, but it's important to remember how good you had it, and that it is indeed possible for something beautiful to last for a long time, even if it's not forever. And if you're really feeling betrayed, there's always Lipton.

PEP TALK FOR A READER

I did very little editing of this request!

As a parent of a trans kid who is now being denied gender affirming care because our local children’s hospital is being pressured by the DOJ, I could use a pep talk. I’m looking out network/out of town/out of state for care for my child and it’s been incredibly challenging.
- It's Too Bad Transparent Was Already The Name of a TV Show

The most encouraging thing I can think of to say here is that your kid is so lucky to have a parent who is so intent on getting them the healthcare they need. Your understanding and effort are both gifts to them. I'm hopeful that they see and appreciate your hard work to care for them. (I know that's not always the case; I have wonderful parents and as a kid I could still be a real pain in the ass to them sometimes. Maybe as an adult too, but I am not open to that conversation right now!) Specifically, in this case, your child is lucky to have you as a parent because some parents are not open to helping their trans kids live their healthiest lives.

That fact doesn't make your job (finding healthcare for your kid) any easier, but it does make your kid's job (getting the healthcare they need) way, way, way easier than it could be. Of course that doesn't get you over the finish line, but your part in this all is something you do not need to kick your own ass over. Putting on running shoes isn't going running, but you're definitely not going to jog ten miles without strapping your sneakers on, you know?

The government's assault on trans people is a horrifying violation of civil rights. But, many trans people often assert, there have always been transgender people and there always will be transgender people. I wish that meant like...phew! No need to worry! Unfortunately though: Still need to worry. There are, however so many people fighting hard to help each other be okay, networks of care that exist to fill the (massive, widening, Grand Canyon-esque) gaps that have been exacerbated by this administration.

I am not a doctor, so I can give whatever medical advice I want with no repercussions (I think that's how that works), so I will say that I hope you find what you need in or outside of an official channel. What you're trying to do is not impossible! People are doing it every day despite the recent obstacles being erected out of ignorance and spite! Your child is fortunate that you're making such an ardent effort and your dedication will make a difference!

APPARENTLY I'M STILL MAKING THE ROUNDS

Last week...I returned to Straightiolab with the brilliant George Civeris and Sam Taggart to talk about toupees and other straight culture. Honestly, it was an honor to help George and Sam coin the term "One Ball Criticism" on our episode.

My episode of the Perfect Person podcast with Miles Bonsignore went live. I can't tell if we had an especially great time or if he has chemistry this good with everyone, but we laughed a lot and answered some wild questions from listeners!

I'm on my friend Negin Farsad's podcast Fake The Nation talking about the news alongside the great Eddie Pepitone! Bleak! Fun!

I was interviewed in The Creative Independent, one of the best websites we've got! In it, I talked a lot about having fun, which sounds like a me thing to do!

My great friend Ella Cerón interviewed me about writing for her newsletter!

AND FINALLY! Jesse David Fox from Vulture included Positive Reinforcement in his most recent "Specials You Should Definitely Watch (When You Have a Moment)" column, which was really flattering! He wrote some very nice stuff about my jokes! If you haven't watched Positive Reinforcement yet, maybe that's the nudge you need?

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Starship - "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now"

I am, frankly, unsure if "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" is a good song. It is, for the purposes of movie soundtracks, a perfect song. Sometimes, you need two people (one with a higher voice and one with a lower voice, usually a man and a woman) to explain that starting now, there is nothing that is gonna stop them. The Kristen Wiig/Bill Hader lip sync performance of this song was the most fun part of the movie "Skeleton Twins" (a movie that was otherwise very sad on purpose). There's also a very funny sequence in the new Naked Gun movie set to this classic (?) Starship tune as well.

Unlike the band's much-maligned jam about having constructed a city upon a foundation of rock and roll music, "N.G.S.U.N." is applicable to a wide range of circumstances, not just a metaphorical urban planning project. Any time you and another person might face circumstances that would otherwise create an impediment, and you want to express your unstoppability (not an infrequent occurence, really), this song does the trick. Much like "Eye of the Tiger" it's a tune waiting for a musical to spring up around it. It's not right the right song for every occasion, bit it's ideal for a few.